Aaron and Nikki

Aaron and Nikki, my work crew, helping me mix up cement for the foundation of the back walkway.

It’s been over two and a half months since Nikki left from canine osteosarcoma and I continue to grieve.


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Losing pets has torn my heart out before, but this time it’s different. This time I know what a pack animal feels when an important member of the pack is no longer sharing the group dynamics.

The incredible love I have for Nikki and his love for me remains. It permeates the household.

Yesterday, I hugged my pillow to sleep, and as I was dosing off, in my half-sleep that pillow was Nikki with all of his soft, sweetness. I still feel him around me today as I write this.

I am fiercely independent. I have never been a part of a pack before and didn’t realize I had become one until Nikki was no longer a physical member.

I’ve lived with “fur babies,” like my mini-toy poodle Teena Weena Jelly Beena, a brilliant little girl (even genius) who left a gaping hole in my heart until she returned several years later.

But I’ve always been the Mommy and Tina was “my daughter.” Even Nikki, in his past lives with me, has been my “kid,” “my little guy,” “my pony boy” (a little song I used to sing to him). But this time Nik was an equal. This time Nik and Aaron and I were a unit.

We were a pack, a very proud, dynamic pack. We “worked” together, played together, and were always mentally and emotionally “in communication” with each other.

I feel so honored to have been granted that privilege.

But now that canine osteosarcoma has taken Nikki from us… Aaron and I are the two remaining wheels on a tricycle, still trying to figure out how to get the vehicle back in motion.


The photo below was taken BDC (before digital camera). Left to right: Royal Standard Poodle puppy Nikki in his second life with me. Parti-color Mini-Toy Teena Weena Jelly Beana in her first life with me, and Miniature Poodle Aaron in his first life with me.

Nikki, Tina, Aaron











Filed under: Comfort, Hope, Healing

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